Return of the Woodcut Caption Contest
After a brief hiatus, the woodcut caption contest has returned by popular demand (or at least, by demand of a couple people who posted comments). This is #5. Have at it: click the image to enlarge |
by Hieronimo @ 12:13 AM
At 9/05/2006 01:24:00 AM,
bdh wrote…
"Colonel Sanders, I've got a bone to pick with you..."
Ok, it's awful, but someone had to get the ball rolling.
At 9/05/2006 04:23:00 PM,
Adam wrote…
"Is that a capon on your prong or are you just pleased to see me?"
or ...
"Geoff tried hard to conceal the horror of his recent (very 1620s) haircut."
or ...
"Talk me through the shoes, Horatio."
At 9/06/2006 07:19:00 AM,
bdh wrote…
How about "Pothead, circa 1620."
At 9/06/2006 12:56:00 PM,
Hieronimo wrote…
Cavalier eye for the puritan guy.
At 9/06/2006 06:01:00 PM,
ard wrote…
"A chicken off every pot and a pair of shoes on every foot."
-The inspiration for Herbert Hoover's 1928 campaign slogan.
At 9/06/2006 11:22:00 PM,
Greenwit wrote…
A gentle Knight was pricking by the grill,
Yclad in mightie meats and ebon shielde,
Wherein old dints of poultrie did infill;
The greasie markes of many a juicy meale;
Yet forke till that tyme did he never wielde:
His skewered birde did chide his kettle hat
As much disdaining to the duck to yielde
Fulle joly knight he seemed, and yet not fat,
Though constant knightly sausage links did threaten that.
At 9/06/2006 11:30:00 PM,
Hieronimo wrote…
Ok, I may have to disqualify Truewit's entry for ... well, for being just too damned clever. Wow.
At 9/07/2006 12:59:00 AM,
bdh wrote…
We have a weiner!
At 9/07/2006 09:52:00 AM,
Greenwit wrote…
not to start some sort of mutual caption-praising society (and I'm not sure my ability to substitute metrically appropriate words into a pre-written stanza counts as praiseworthy), but I confess that I spent some time last night thinking over how H's caption worked on a very deep level. The analog for the caption, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is a show that caters mostly to a straight audience by basing its queerness on a kind of sanitized version of what straight people think gay men are like: tasteful fashion mavens whose skills with Pier One furnishings are normally wasted on their own queer intrigues, rather than being put to their proper use: i.e., fooling straight women into sleeping with them (or being happily married to them, or whatever).
"Cavalier eye for the puritan Guy" works EXACTLY the same way. It's not that Cavaliers would have actually draped themselves with poultry and put pickles on their shoes (pace Harbage), but a puritan audience for the show would have believed this to be true. This is their useful image of Cavalierhood. Thus, at the end of the show, the puritan would end up covered in unlikely and exaggerated signs of gluttony and excess, much like the straight men on Queer Eye end up putting scented candles in their living rooms and serving "queer" foods. In other words: it works!
Also, Adam's Caption 2 is fucking hilarious.
At 9/07/2006 09:58:00 AM,
Hieronimo wrote…
Precisely what I was going for, T. Precisely.
At 9/10/2006 05:22:00 PM,
Simplicius wrote…
"Don Cavalier de la Cocina prepared to battle the mighty Lancastrian grain mills."
At 9/12/2006 11:32:00 PM,
Anonymous wrote…
This was really *not* what Thomas meant when he asked for his meal to go...
At 9/13/2006 09:50:00 PM,
Anonymous wrote…
(nod to bdh above)
We do chicken right!
At 9/18/2006 09:56:00 AM,
Anonymous wrote…
Eat me.
At 9/19/2006 05:46:00 PM,
Adam wrote…
'cavalier eye...' is a masterpiece, although for my money 'eat me' pushes it close.
At 9/21/2006 04:40:00 PM,
Anonymous wrote…
throwe the jewe downe the welle.
Scribble some marginalia
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